Out of Control

When you think about it, we as individuals are in very little control of what happens around us.

That was a very hard lesson for me to learn, because I like to think that I have things together for myself. But learning that I am not in control of very much at all prepared me mentally for some of the other problems I am going through now (don't worry, I will get you up to speed very soon).

Around the beginning of October 2002, I was STILL recovering from a drug reaction I had to minocycline. If you missed the post on the story of my drug reaction, you can read it here.

I was taking prednisone to help my body heal and so that my skin would stop crawling. I can't remember how long it lasted, but I know it was months of discomfort for several months. A lot of oatmeal baths and lotions. A lot of just trying to keep my mind busy so I would not think about it.

One morning I got up for work and went in the bathroom to get ready for work. I looked down at my arm and noticed that a large patch of hair was missing. "Hmmm...what is up with that?" I thought. "That is very odd." A few days went by and one morning I noticed that my eyebrows and eyelashes were falling out. I tugged on one lash and it came right out. I was shocked. A few more days went by and the hair on my head began falling out. I thought maybe I was dying or something. I felt fine, but was scared that maybe something was seriously wrong with me.

I scheduled an appointment with the dermatologist who had helped me through the drug reaction. Initially the doctors thought I was going through telogen effluvium. Hair growth occurs in three cycles. The Anagen: Growth Phase, Catagen: Transitional phase, and Telogen: Resting Phase. Telogen effluvium occurs as a result of early entry of hairs into the telogen phase. Emotional or physiological stressful events may result in an alteration of the normal hair cycle. The doctors explained to me that this was why I was losing my hair (because my body had physically received such a shock from the drug reaction), and it would come back within 3 months or so when my growth cycle caught up. I was a little relieved to hear this, and a few weeks later, some hair did grow back in.

I started a new job and began dating someone in November. I think it was right before Thanksgiving. It was a Saturday, and I was going to make him dinner. I have to really like you to cook for you. :) I had everything I needed but some really good bread for our meal, so I headed to the new Dorothy Lane Market in Springboro to pick some up. I had just bought my car, a brand new 2002 Volkswagen Passat. As I headed to the store, I was happy and excited about my life. Couldn't wait to impress my date with my cooking. I think I was going to make him stuffed pork chops. :) I headed down Byers Rd and as about to cross the intersection at Maue, a car ran a stop sign and pulled out in front of me. I tried to avoid him, but it happened so fast. He managed to spin my car completely around, and he started to take off. I got out of my car a started running after him. He drove about 100 yards or so, and then decided to stop. I had a cell phone at that point, but I can't remember who called the police or what happened after that, but I remember being so mad I wasn't able to get the bread. I remember the police officer drove me back to my house. The man who hit me had no insurance and was driving a stolen car. Niiice. So, I had to pay my own insurance deductible ($500) for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Honestly, I was lucky to have walked away from the accident without a scrape. I canceled dinner that night. Two weeks later, my hair began falling out again. This time, in handfuls. I can't even begin to tell you the level of despair and helplessness I felt, but I will try. Completely out of control.