Monday, September 24, 2007

From Your Formerly Chubby Bald Chick, in Loving Response to a Post on Another Blog

"Q: Can so much obsession be good?

How can you lead and enjoy a normal life if you can't eat somewhat normally? What does her boy friend do in regards to her eating lifestyle.(?)"

You know, I chose to be open about what I am going through in hopes that I can help someone else who may be struggling with the same/similar issues. This may or may not be you. If it is not you, you do not have to read the content on this site.

In order to break out of my bad habits, I had to join a "diet" web site where I could log all my meals to examine exactly what I am eating everyday vs. what I need to survive and what I burn at the gym. :)

I have begun to see a counselor to try and work things out so that I am not so "obsessed", because YES, I do have an eating disorder. I may also have another medical condition in which, YES, I DO have to swear off sugar in all forms. I might even have to discontinue white flour and white rice (I don't have much of that anyway, but admittedly, sushi (the one time I DID enjoy white rice) won't be as fun anymore. I still love sashimi and hand rolls without the rice.

My content on this site is going to change as a result of the change in my lifestyle. Sorry. I just don't believe that food is the end all and be all anymore. My fitness, mental health, and overall well being IS way more important. And yours is too. Is it really healthy to surf food porn all day? Um, no. :)

Do I really like food? Yes.

Do I LOVE it? No.

I REALLY like cooking. I thoroughly enjoy writing recipes and the science behind food, in all aspects... growth, production, consumption.

Now, I love my mom. I also love my friends (in my own sort of selfish way). But I do not "love" food. Because food cannot love me back. What a silly thing to "love".

I am TRYING to incorporate my diet into a "normal" lifestyle. What does my boyfriend do? He supports me the best he can. And he is wonderful at it. We dined out twice this weekend, even though I have a lot of limitations (right now they are my own restrictions, but I am pretty sure a lot of foods will be medically restricted soon after my doctor visit). I had dinner at Ernesto's Friday evening and dinner at Taro's on Saturday. I am still completely uncomfortable eating in front of others, but I am working on that. I am doing better.

To address another question... I used to be a size 14 (1998). I am five feet and one inch tall. I used to weigh 147-150 pounds. That, my friends is OVERWEIGHT if you are 5'1". (27.8 BMI) Sorry if you are relatively that weight or you are heavier. I am just being honest. The truth hurts sometimes.

I have been down to 99 and a size 1. That is probably too low of a weight for me.

I am currently between 108-110. I wear a size 2 or 4. My body fat is 17.6%. My BMI is 20.4.

I don't want to ever look like what I did when I was 147 so I WON'T. Now when I put on a few pounds, the fear kicks in. Fear motivates me I guess. I would like to be between 102-105, 15% body fat. Weightloss is a game to me. All numbers. It's challenging and fun. I am better off in this mode than I am in maintanance because I am conscious of every bite and I make it that much more healthy -- food my body can use instead of anything that is processed.

Don't be sad. You seem to be enjoying eating, and if you like you the way you are, then fine. But do not come here and make judgments about me or my lifestyle, thank you. Maybe you feel guilty about your less than stellar eating habits? ;)

What I want to do now is learn and share. I am going to be seeing a doctor and nutritionist and I am excited to learn the results, how I can share my knowledge with others.

But, I am sure many people will not understand what I am doing. But I still want to try and vocalize why it's so important to cut the garbage from your diet. Why treats should be occasional treats (once a week) and fast food should pretty much be only in an emergency...and why you should never eat HFCS... Stay tuned...

"I've been reading a blog lately that makes me a little sad. The writer is totally obsessed with what she eats or doesn't eat. I have no idea how much weight the writer has lost in total but the obsession of keeping it off can't be good. Nothing is seems passes her lips that has any type of sugar, particularly high fructose corn syrup,fat, sounds like she never goes out to eat anymore or even enjoys what she does cook for herself. I commend her for loosing the weight and working to keep it off... that's great. The obsession with is what makes me sad, how can you lead and enjoy a normal life if you can't eat somewhat normally? What does her boy friend do in regards to her eating lifestyle. One can go to a restaurant and have a salad with dressing on the side or maybe just some lemon juice squeezed over. There is the option of broiled fish, or chicken. OK don't eat the bread,tell them not to deliver it or if you feel you have to,tear off a small piece and give the rest to your boyfriend or fellow dinning partners. Sugar seems to be the downfall... so of course your going to crave it. I found the best solution is don't deprive yourself. If chocolate chip cookies are your downfall use it as a reward. If you've been good on your diet all week.. go buy ONE cookie and have it.. no guilt. One cookie is gone, no more laying around so no worries. If you don't want to eat the whole cookie,eat what you feel comfortable eating and throw the rest away. Don't beat yourself up because you ate something "forbidden" that only makes you want it more.

My girlfriend has lost 114lbs. Her downfall is carrot cake. When she is really craving it she will go buy a single serving piece of the cake eat a few bites and throw the rest away. She either throw away the foods that aren't good for her or gives away the remains to her daughter or friends. She feels that way she can have what she likes and not feel bad about having it and it's not there in the house tempting her to eat more than she should. She measures and weighs her foods and sticks to a healthy diet for the most part. Going to dinner with her is great for me since we always end up ordering off the appetizer menu or splitting an entree and neither of us eats too much. As for deserts she takes a couple of bites, I take a couple of bites and have the server take it away.

I can't imagine being so obsessed with food because your depriving yourself of it. Eating is a social activity, it's fun it doesn't have to be lethal."


Anonymous said...

Personal attacks from one blogger to another are just tasteless, especially when you don't know the whole story.

Personal attacks that use bad grammar just make the blogger look dumb, as well as tasteless.

Well spoken on the response, cg!

Unknown said...

Do you recommend the "diet" web site? If so, which site is it?

cakegrrl2007 said...


I wholeheartedly recommend it.


Anonymous said...

I have lost 100 pounds in the past 10 years and I would call my self food obsessed as well, still. I will never ever look like I did 10 years ago. ( I am 5'5", 138ish) At the time I lost all the weight I did lose my hair, all of it. I have lupus and was diagnosed with secondary Alopecia along with it, but also I cut the fats in my diet so much it affected my hair, skin and nails big time. I was also going through a divorce somewhere in that time. I think all of this combined was the cause, but also believe it would have happened anyway because of my underlying conditions. About 80% of my hair came back but I still wear wigs, the spots that didnt come back are significant enough and very noticeable, at least to me. NOW I have friends who say I am obsessed with my hair, or lack thereof. They seem to think I should 'get over it' and they also think I am addicted to wearing wigs - easy to say when you are a person with a full head of hair, and easy to say a person is too thin, when perhaps you are not too thin yourself. I would never, ever tell someone 'to get over it' UNLESS it was something that were life and death. CG your appearance to me was not that, AND besides I would have sent a private email, not post a public message.

I enjoy your blog, even when I dont necessarily agree. Good or bad we all learn from each other in some way and some of us, as I am, are touched by it.


PS - spelling and grammar police take the night off..........:)

Anonymous said...

It's weird reading about someone else who has the same obsession as I do. I haven't lost my hair though, and I haven't heard of people losing hair because of dieting? It really happens? That kind of scares me. I'm 5'11 and 125 lbs on a good day. It fluctuates daily between 125-130 sometimes a few lbs more. 2 years ago I weighed 155-160. I was never "fat", I have been an athlete all of my life. It wasn't until the last 2 years (and a really depressing breakup) that made me re-evaluate my eating habits. I have a boyfriend now, we've been dating for 18 months, and just moved in together. It's hard with us because he has limited tastes, hates spices, onions, mustard, garlic, vegetables, peppers. This happens to be all the things I currently LOVE. I feel bad because I eat salad for dinner 5 nights a week.
He doesn't watch his weight at all, eats McDonald's, cheesesteaks, fried food all the time.
I rarely eat meat, the only meat I eat is chicken or fish.
I like my body now, but I am very obsessed with what I eat. I'm happy eating my salads, etc but I hate the way people look at me (boyfriends parents, my friends) and notice I don't eat all the fatty stuff that they eat. It's a personal choice and I'm happy I just hate feeling like the outsider. If I did eat all that I would probably vomit it all up (which I've done before). I'm at the gym 5 days a week, counting calories, etc. I keep telling myself it's a phase and I'll be better when its time to have kids and a family (I'm 24). I know I looked "normal" prior to losing weight, but now I like the way I look and I do sacrifice a lot to stay this way. But hey, my boyfriend never complains! He loves the way I look!

Anyways.. just wanted to say it was comforting to know I'm not the only one. I hope everything gets easier for you.

cakegrrl2007 said...

I wish you lots of luck. I think its awesome that you eat better than your friends and family. I am tired of being villanized for wanting to be healthy. I'm the good guy here, people.
I just had to dump my boyfriend--probably because of the constant strain of my "ED" on our relationship.